


Things that Daniel realized

by Melime



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Asexual Awareness Week, Asexual Daniel Jackson, Asexuality, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-28
Updated: 2015-10-28
Packaged: 2018-04-28 16:23:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5097260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/pseuds/Melime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daniel was thirteen years old when he realized something about him was different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things that Daniel realized

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Coisas que Daniel percebeu](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5097212) by [Melime GreenLeaf (Melime)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/pseuds/Melime%20GreenLeaf). 



> It took me exactly a year to write this, but it's finally done. There's a part (one sentence) that mentions what happened with Hathor, in a very light way, but tread with care. The idea here is work with Daniel as both asexual and possibly grey-aro. Somewhat inspired by my own experiences, but not very much. Also, 250th fic posted, yay!

Daniel was thirteen years old when he realized something about him was different.

It was at that age he started to realize that he didn’t have a clue about what his colleagues were talking about. While he wasn’t paying attention, everyone around him seemed to have developed an interest he couldn’t understand. His colleagues only talked about how other people were hot or sexy and other words he had trouble understanding. It didn’t seem like they were talking about beauty, not exactly, and attractive didn’t seem to mean the same thing for him as it did to the others. At this point he already spoke three languages and had an interest in linguistic. To him, the word attraction was like a foreign word to which he had no translation and was unable to understand the meaning.

He used words he got from colleagues without understanding the context. It was as if there were unwritten rules everyone else knew about. He figured that maybe it was something that one learned with one’s parents, and that maybe that’s why he was different. Some colleagues used to gather around to look at magazines stolen from their fathers. He was invited once, just once. When he asked what was the point of looking at pictures of naked women that didn’t seem very comfortable in those positions, he was mocked by his colleagues, that called him some names he knew, and others that he had never heard before, but every they all meant the same thing. After all, if women weren’t attractive to him, men certainly should be, right?

Daniel fifteen years old when he realized his logic was flawed.

Although he surely didn’t feel about women the way his male colleagues seemed to feel, we also didn’t feel anything special about men. In fact, he looked at people the same way, regardless of gender. He knew what beauty was, of course, and also knew how to appreciate it in people. The problem was that everyone told him he was appreciating it the wrong way, and he couldn’t understand how was it possible that there was a wrong way to appreciate beauty.

Some people were like works of art, and he looked at them the same way he looked at the pictures of the Egyptian relics that he loved. Beautiful, wonderful, and all he wanted to do was look at them. And everybody seemed to indicate that this was what he was doing wrong. “You should, you know, want to _do_ something with them.” He heard that a lot, and he needed a long time before he understood what that _do_ meant.

Daniel was seventeen years old when he realized that he couldn’t change.

Whatever it was that everybody expected that eventually happened with him, it didn’t seem like it would happen. He learnt to accept that, and with time managed to convince himself that he didn’t care about anyone else’s opinion. Maybe this wasn’t as true as he wished, but it was enough for the moment.

He still hadn’t given up on one day not feeling so dislocated, but he wouldn’t make that his life’s objective.

Daniel was thirty years old when he realized that his life was where he wanted it to be.

He didn’t even need to think about it to decide that he was willing to risk his life to explore the unexplored. Everything that had happened in his life took him to that moment. And when he found a new planet with so much he could learn, he had no choice other than to stay behind. Knowledge for the sake of knowledge, it didn’t matter that he would never be able to pass any of that information back to Earth, he needed to learn everything he could about those people and their history.

Sha’re helped him in this search for knowledge, and he couldn’t be more grateful for having met her. For the first time, a romantic relationship didn’t leave him feeling uncomfortable, and didn’t make him feel as if he had to adapt and act as it was expected of him. If he could have lived with her, exploring the history of her people and learning more about Earth in the process, for the rest of his life, he would have been happy. Unfortunately, faith wasn’t so kind.

Daniel was thirty-two years old when he realized his life could never be that simple.

In the blink of an eye, he lost his wife and the planet he had come to call home. Keep searching for Sha’re, keep unraveling the mysteries of the galaxy, was his only choice. His mission was pushed forward partly by his desire to save Sha’re, partly because he wanted to help the largest number of people possible, and partly because he wanted to learn about the largest number of cultures possible.

It didn’t take long for him to get used to his new reality. He found a new family in his team and he finally felt like he found his place. It was as if all the feelings of inadequacy he had in the past no longer mattered. With the exception of the terrible moment in which the violence perpetrated against him was ignored because if was made by a woman considered attractive, he didn’t have problems with his colleagues because of his lack of interest in sexual relations, and despite never having used his fidelity to his wife to his particular end, it was what everyone seemed to presume to be the cause. He didn’t care enough to question this presumption.

Daniel was dead when he realized that absence of attraction didn’t bother him.

It was a discovery that was almost ignored, among so many others he had while ascended. When he descended, he didn’t remember that realization, but the sensation of peace that came with it remained. His life remained as it always was, but now any small part of his mind that once considered this absence as a failure had disappeared.

Even a romantic relationship didn’t seem necessary for him, despite he having appreciated the one he had with Sha’re. Finally, he had accepted something about himself, allowing himself to give himself completely to his work and his found family, completely free of his former inadequacy. Of everything he learnt in that period, this wasn’t what he would have chosen to preserve, but it was something he needed to know anyway.


End file.
